hit a niggie up

three tears / another personal poetry update on my life

before i even wake up i have a feeling
i stumble into the bathroom and my
throat gives way to a noise i can’t
describe
i squeeze my thighs real tight and
start the water
i do not have time for this
i let go three tears of frustration
for the birth control that does nothing
but fuck with me emotionally
and i want to tell you to go
fuck yourself that you are
not worth this emotional
turmoil i am going through
that i come first
that i come first
but then i remember that i
love you and that that should
be enough so
i remain involuntarily
calm

someone sent me a text
after i never showed to
smoke a bowl or a blunt
or whatever and they
said
‘very reliable’
and i shed three tears
over the fact that they
didn’t even know me
and i was so easy to
mock

it is the summer of
my 19th year alive
and the boy’s eyes
are greedier than
i have ever seen
them before
i watched them through
the glass of the pizza
palor
i had all three heads
turned as i walked up
and pushed the
doors open and
placed my order
they were all looking
at my legs and my arms
and my hair that i had
up in a horrible bun
and maybe my lips
but i can’t be sure
i was pretending they
didn’t exist as
i ate my two slices
high as a fucking kite

my dad caught me
driving while intoxicated
on that sickly sweet smoke
and i thought i was going
to throw up
he gave me a warning in
a loud voice that i know
my sisters could hear
in their respective rooms
but my house echoes
and i know everyone can
hear me when i cry with
my door closed so i
shed three tears of shame
knowing that i am the
little black sheep and
fell asleep on top
of the covers

Posted 11 months ago with 13 notes

Tagged: personal., writing., u no da drill, wuteva,

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